Dad Watson's Sliders - March 3, 2007

rating: 1 out of 5

price: too much for this pile o' poo, but if you must know it was $10.95 for a six pack

nacho girlfriends were dressed in polka dots and ready for a night on the town . . . but not without coating the stomach first! we decided to re-visit dad watson's in fremont after a prior fond memory of them. lo and behold: they suck! we don't know what we remembered, but this was NOT it.

special sauce: what? onions: where? salt: waaaayyy too much. basically, they blew. the only thing good about them was the fact that dad's gave us the correct amount of pickles and tomatoes (on the side) for each one. you know it's a bad sign when you have to smother them in ketchup to get the bad taste away. imagine eating your grandma's worst over salted meatloaf in a cheap white bread bun with some wilted lettuce. um . . . no thanks. even upon polling a few customers indulging in the six pack of sliders, all signs point to "no." blech. we will not return for another sampling.

yay!: we can't think of any, but it was nice of them to provide us with the correct number condiments.

boo!: everything, we even had to beg and plead for napkins and plates!

recommended: absolutely not. we'd rather eat pigeon poop. true story!

Foster Farms Mini Corn Dogs - February 28, 2007

rating: 3 out of 5

price: on sale for $3.50 at fred meyer

on this particular night we learned two things: jesus is magic and mini corn dogs are bad for you. sarah silverman inspired this mini adventure, because when your sister lends you the dvd - you can't just watch her (sarah silverman, not your sister) alone. so a gaggle of fabulous women descended upon 'ego place' for viewing of said comedy with the requirement that everyone brings wine and appetizers. nacho girlfriend 1 asks: "what should i bring?" nacho girlfriend 2 responds: "something mini!!" hence mini corn dogs (they were on sale).

the box directs us to prepare these "honey crunchy" treats three ways: oven, deep fry, or microwave. we opted for the oven method, because lord knows we don't need extra fatty or extra soggy mini corn dogs. all 40-44 dogs piled onto on cookie sheet and 18 minutes later we were in corn dog heaven. in the end they were hit or miss. some of the ladies loved them (shout out to cuzzie karen!), others refused to try them (julia says "no" to chicken). the nacho girlfriends will most likely not eat these again because, the first ingredient, "mechanically separated chicken" is not on our diet - and not to mention each 1" dog is 54 calories and 3 grams of fat (but no trans fat according box!! HOLLA!!).

yay!: they're cheap and are a great vessel for ketchup

boo!: waaaayyyy too high in calories, fat, and disgustingly processed foods.

recommended: they aren't recommended really . . . unless of course you are entertaining trailer trash. or on a budget. or just want to channel some fair food fuzzy feeling from your childhood.

Dragonfly Kobe Beef Sliders - February 24, 2007

rating: 5 out of 5 (at happy hour only)!!

price: $2.50 each, but only $1.50 each at happy hour!

these were, by far, the most unique delicious sliders sampled to date. unfortunately, however, only one nacho girlfriend had the opportunity to savor these savory little treats, because only one nacho girlfriend is insane enough to cross-country ski from mission ridge to blewett pass. and of course, nothing inspires a return to solid foods like cross-country skiing 30k in a snow storm. thankfully sliders were waiting at leavenworth's new swanky pan-asian bistro and lounge! at first it may seem strange to go to leavenworth and find yourself choosing between sushi and pho, but when you have suffered the bavarian naughty potty that excessive bratwurst and beer consumption at oktoberfest will induce - it's a great alternative! in fact, this nacho girlfriend will never go near bratwurst again, so it's a good damn thing dragonfly came to town! it's also a good damn thing they have fantastic sliders - because everything else on the menu was overpriced and . . .well . . . average.

the menu describes the sliders as: "seared kobe burger, dragonfly sauce, sweet salad, pickled cucumber, crispy shallots." it may seem like a strange combination, but it was absolutely amazing to bite into . . . then again after skiing 30k in a snow storm mcdonalds would have been amazing to bite into . . .seriously though, these sliders managed to incorporate a little of every taste sensation. the beef was perfectly seasoned, a little charred on the edges, and pink in the middle - done to perfection! the crispy shallots added a savory touch and a unique texture. the sweet salad and pickled cucumber (no it wasn't just a pickle) brought in more unique textures and a sweet background to the mix. the dragonfly sauce finished it off with spicy kick. not just leavenworth locals will enjoy these - even mini-burger/nacho connoisseurs will appreciate all these sliders have to offer!

yay!: um . . .everything? as long as you love things that are sweet, savory, and spicy all in one! hell yes!! happy hour is in the bar from 4-6 PM and 10-midnight daily.

boo!: um . . . nothing? okay okay . . . when it isn't happy hour they are a bit too much money.

recommend: when you are in washington's own bavarian village and have sworn off bratwurst for life - eat dragonfly's kobe beef sliders! it's also recommended that you skip the rest of their offerings and just eat sliders, trust me, they are the best thing on the menu. everything else you can get for half the price a strip mall in kirkland.

http://www.thedragonflybistro.com/

never fear! we will be back soon!

with much regret, your beloved nacho girlfriends had to take a temporary break from nachos and mini foods.

nacho girlfriend 1 was fearing the dreaded fat monster after almost 2 months without fitness - due to the now infamous snowboarding disaster (note review of trader joe's mini-tacos) at mission ridge.

nacho girlfriend 2 recently realized that bed bug doug truly does have a problem with compulsive lying, and is more of a passive aggressive asshole than ever thought before - and suddenly nacho girlfriend 2 discovered that food really isn't necessary at all. imagine: you can live off of wine, muscle relaxers, and diet coke. who knew?

the good news is, boot camp is right around the corner which will surely force us to start eating cheesy beefy delicious snacks again. stay tuned . . .

the perfect nacho - superbowl sunday 2/4/07

rating: 4.5 out of 5

price: approx. $15 - but it's enough to serve 8+ (but we are greedy and didn't share)

we didn't start this day with the intention of watching the superbowl and eating nachos (we could care less about ponies and grizzlies, but of course we like the commercials). it all started with kathy j (future guest reviewer) demanding that we eat brunch at an establishment that does not serve mini foods OR nachos. imagine? in any case, after said brunch completed the nacho girlfriends had nothing better to do than go home, drink mimosas, and write blogs about previous nacho experiences. in the process we realized that it should be our new mission to create 'the perfect nacho.' we also realized it was superbowl sunday which makes 'the perfect nacho' the perfect football snack. rah!

ingredients for the perfect nacho: round and sturdy tortilla chips, monterrey jack/cheddar blend (and lots), tons of finely chopped onions, cilantro, emeril's mini-roma tomatoes, refried black beans (heating them up first allows for easier distribution). if you are wondering, we didn't use meat because raw meat grosses us both out. we love meat, especially jerky style, but we just don't want to make it ourselves.

on the side: homemade guac (avocado, cilantro, tomato, lime, garlic, onion, salt and pepper), emerald valley hot salsa, tillamook fat free sour cream (have to save calories somewhere), as many jalapenos as you can find (even if there is pigeon poop on it).

process: we opted to use a cookie sheet covered in foil (for easy clean up!). we first made a thin layer of chips on the bottom. next we sprinkled our finely chopped onions all over the top. you can never have too many onions. onions are key!! then we slung refried black bean globs on top. our hot tip of the day is to heat them up first, they sling easier then. finally we top it all with lots and lots and lots of pre-shredded cheesy deliciousness. repeat for one more layer. our next hot tip is to NOT preheat the oven. we put the nachos in a cold oven, then set the temp to 350, and baked for 10 minutes. PERFECT! the cheese was melted but not burnt and the beans were heated. last, we garnished with fresh cilantro and chopped mini-romas. all the condiments were served on the side (of course!!) to prevent excessive sogginess.

yay!: not a dry chip in the house, onions/jalapenos/cheese galore, round chips are a plus, we loved the refried black beans, fat free sour cream makes us feel less guilty for eating a cookie sheet of nachos, papaya enzymes are in the bathroom cabinet for quick digestion.

boo!: we had a few soggies. these really should have been 5 out of 5, but being that we are the nacho girlfriends and we were attempting the 'perfect nacho' we docked ourselves 0.5. however, we are nacho geniuses, we are working on the soggy issue. the next batch won't have any sogginess and will be a true 5 . . . mark our words. they were a bit pricey, but we had waaaayyy too many. $15 bought us enough nacho to feed the honduran army.

recommendation: our nachos rock. and we might share next time to prevent gastrointestinal distress. if you are lucky enough to know us, you'll want to come over and eat them. if you don't know us, too bad. best when served with a mag of cheap white wine.

Ozzie's Nacho Review - 1/6/07 (better late than never)

rating: 1 out of 5

price: we can't remember, but whatever it was, they weren't worth the price.

we apologize for the delay in this review, but as promised we are here to save seattle one bad plate of nachos at a time. ozzie's has the worst nachos we have found so far. granted, it was during a seahawk playoff game, so the kitchen was probably slammed - but still, there is no excuse of bad nachos! anything with that much fat and calorie content is pretty hard to mess up, but ozzie's certainly did.

nacho girlfriends don't even know where to start . . . we are dumbfounded by these nachos. there are no "yays!" here, so here are boos!:

1) not enough condiments. we had to ask for extra salsa and they gave us a tiny cup that cost $.75! wtf?! god forbid we should ask for more guac too! we're too broke for extra guac.

2) the guac and sour cream (not enough of course) were placed in a pile on top. (nacho girlfriend 1 failed to ask for them on the side, but really we think they should always be on the side without asking.) we don't like piles on top because it's difficult to ration out over the whole plate and the poor chips under the piles get soggy and disgusting.

3) way too many dry chips. these were layered worse than kings hardware's nachos.

4) we thought we ordered chicken (costs extra) but we ended up with about a tablespoon of tiny cubes scattered randomly. more importantly, the menu specified that the nachos came with beans, but apparently they don't if you order a meat. boo! don't say beans are included if they aren't!

5) we asked for extra jalapenos and there were hardly any. JALAPENOS ARE KEY!

6) we ate almost the whole plate, yet didn't fall into a nacho coma. in fact we were forced to order bacon cheese fries to prepare our stomachs for an evening of vodka.

7) regardless of the shitty cheese layering and not enough condiments, there was not enough of anything. where are all the onions? we didn't order a plate of tortilla chips, we ordered nachos damn it!

recommendations: don't bother. all the necessary toppings cost extra and these will be million dollar nachos by the time they come up to our standards. shame on you, ozzie's! however, we do love the upstairs karoke host on friday and saturday nights. we recommend him, and don't forget to tip!

Trader Joes Spizzico Pizza - 1/28/07

price: not sure, they were a gift due to being injured on the slopes.

rating: 3 out of 5

ok ladies, you can back me up on this one. you know when you have that early afternoon hair appointment where you're still full from breakfast but by the time you leave the salon you're a ravenous crazy who needs food (i like to use the term 'hangry' to describe such situations). only you're conflicted on what to eat because you've made dinner plans which are only a few hours away? well, i think i've found a solution.

trader joe mini pizzas are the perfect pre-dinner snack. the serving size is 6 of the mini pies, but 3 is perfect to calm you hangriness before dinner. the baking options were microwave or oven baked. i chose to oven bake mine directly on my lower rack because i like a crispy crust, and here are my findings: when made directly from the box, with no alterations, i found them to be okay. the crust was light and crispy but a little too yeasty for my taste buds. also, i felt the crust to topping ratio was inadequate. too much crust for the amount of sauce and cheese. however, i decided to alter the others with some leftover things in my fridge. i added pineapple tidbits, a slice of grilled red onion (from fajitas the night before), red pepper flakes and italian seasoning. just adding these few things made a vast improvement on the little circular delights. i wasn't overwhelmed by the taste of the crust and got a more complex pizza flavor. oh, and don't forget to dip them in blue cheese dressing...yum!

yay!: perfect pre-dinner snack if you cut the serving size in half or a decent meal if you eat the full serving of 6. these would be great for a mini pizza dinner party but have various toppings available for personalized pizza.

boo!: too bland directly from the box. the crust is too yeasty...bleck.

recommendation: if you are a pizza lover give these a try. these would be great if you had kids who want different toppings on their mini pizzas. these can totally be turned into a great appetizer for a party.

Kings Hardware Nachos - 1/29/07 (yes the same day. we are pigs.)

rating: 3 out of 5

price: $7.50

so after we devoured the delicious sliders from kings hardware we decided to continue our review and test drove their nachos too. as noted in the slider review, this will be the only double review because the gastronomical distress the following day was too intense...oy vey! that being said these nachos we're okay. yes, just okay. probably the best thing about them is the bar that was serving them. nacho girlfriends have realized that atmosphere of the establishment is very influential on our reviews. for those of you who haven't tried ballard's newest bar, it has a rustic theme with many taxidermy projects on display. best of all a dead cougar. we (or at least nacho girlfriend 2) like any place that splays a dead cougar across their wall. kings hardware also has skee ball and pool, plus a juke box with a pretty damn awesome selection of music.

so the bar gets a great review, but what about the nachos? in case you were wondering, they weren't special. the best feature they offered was vast quantities of jalapenos (although not the pepper mix promised on the menu) and onions. they also come with all the important condiments - guac, sour cream, salsa - at no extra charge! we hate having to pay extra for our guac! we also appreciated the multi-colored chips, and none were soggy . . . but the trade off was not enough cheese (and it wasn't melty enough in places). the layering could have been drastically improved as well. not only were there way too many dry chips, but the refried beans were all on the bottom! under the chips!! on top of a tortilla!!! wtf?!?! we were full by the time we discovered it even had any beans.

yay!: condiments are free and bountiful, plentiful jalapenos and onion, beautiful multi-colored chips, no soggies, and excellent-ful atmosphere!

boo!: layering. layering. layering. if you're going to make nachos, layer people, layer! no meaty options for the carnivores.

recommendation: we recommend these nachos only if you are a vegetarian and your friends have drug you to kings hardware. otherwise, stick with their sliders and sweet potato fries instead.

Kings Hardware Sliders - 1/29/07

rating: 5 out 5 (at happy hour); 4 out of 5 (the rest of the time)

price: $4.50 for 3 at happy hour from 6-8PM M-F;
or $5.95 for 3 at any other time

kings hardware provided the nacho girlfriends with a valuable food review lesson. the food is really only half of it. atmosphere, people, atmosphere - that is what it's about. this really comes into play more when we review the nachos. we did the first ever (and only, due to gastronomical distress) double review!! mini burgers and nachos! note the nacho review from kings hardware for more on the importance of atmosphere.

back to the sliders . . . they come three in a row, oh so cute! little american flags holding them together, a metal dish lined with red and white checked liner. we felt downright american and damn patriotic eating these beefy little delicacies! even commie pinko bastards will feel like a true american eating these mini-burgers. you really can't ask for much more in a mini-burger. the only flaw, seriously, was the price. $1.50 each at happy hour (not bad!) but $2 each the rest of the time? we think that is a bit steep for a patty smaller than a post-it note. (hence the double rating).

boo!: none really . . . unless you count the non-happy hour price.

yay!: caramelized onions (say no more!). the sliders also weren't greasy, yet tasted like something your mom might whip up for an after school snack (assuming you weren't the crazy dirty little latch-key kid at the end of the road). they also come with a delicious 'special sauce.' and best of all, we loved the sweet bread n' butter pickle slice on each burger! combined with the onions and sauce . . . mmmmmm. . . . hell yes these are some tasty sliders!

recommendation: if you should find yourself in ballard and have a hankering for a mini taste of americana, definitely get the sliders!! try it with a side of sweet potato fries just for the hell of it. if you are vegetarian, get the nachos. but otherwise, these are some top notch sliders that cannot be beat. and being that they we are talking about a bar in seattle, we can guarantee that they are way better than their full sized counterparts (although we have not tried any of the regular burgers so we can't really be the judge here).

North Bend Bar and Grill - most recently on 1/20/07

rating: 5 outta 5!!! Hell YES!!!

price: regular plate $9.95 ($1 extra to add meat) or SUPER nachos for $12.95 (includes meat)

if you've ever wondered how the nacho girlfriends can eat so many plates of nachos and without getting fat, here is the answer. you have to:

1) climb a mountain before eating them.

2) ski or snowboard all day long before eating them.

3) stop eating for a few days if you can't do 1 or 2

4) stick your finger down your throat (ha! kidding! and for the record we think bulimia is no laughing matter! not to mention tortilla chips and jalapenos would hurt coming back up...ouch!).

fortunately the best nachos we have found so far are in beautiful north bend (home of twin peaks!). it's a good thing these nachos are a mere 17 miles west of snoqualmie pass so we can play in the mountains first, and thus, not get fat. bonus! if you want to get right down to it, north bend bar and grill nachos are made of crack. or at least it would seem that way by the amount of time nacho girlfriend 2 spends there eating them, even though she lives in seattle. thus far we have drug about 10 people to north bend for nachos (best paired with local beers such as manny's or snoqualmie IPA!) and all agree that these are some of the best, if not the best, in the area. nacho girlfriend 1 was introduced to these "oh so yummy gastronomic delights" by nacho girlfriend 2 and have to agree these are some of the best nachos in the US.

they come in two sizes, regular and super. both are pretty much the same except the regular is the size of a plate (perfect for 2) and the super is the size of a platter (enough for an army). you also get a choice of plain, chicken or beef. so far we have only sampled the chicken, but is damn good! well-seasoned pulled chicken all over the place!

yay!: real yummy cheese and plenty of it. the chips don't get too soggy (be sure to ask for the sour cream on the side). generous helpings of toppings and more than willing to give us extra jalapenos. excellent topping variety (onions, olives, tomatoes, jalapenos, choice of chicken or beef) plus a pretty good salsa on the side. most importantly, the staff also gives plenty of napkins.

boo!: it could be layered a bit better . . . there are a few too many dry chips at the bottom. occasionally they go overboard on the chicken. it is possible to have too much chicken on your nachos. once in awhile you get a really bitchy bartender. north bend is pretty far away from seattle so you can't really have more than two beers with your nachos.

recommendation: GO!!! it's worth the drive. just don't forget to go hiking or snowboarding first so you won't get fat.

http://www.northbendbarandgrill.com/

A "Mini" Introduction

Have you ever wondered what Seattle does well? Well . . . we were wondering the same thing. Turns out it's music, traffic, and mini foods - and that's it. So we've taken it upon ourselves to review all edible mini things in Seattle (and vicinity). More importantly, we are on a mission to save Seattlites from bad nachos, one plate at a time. We like nachos almost as much as we like mini-food, and certainly aren't opposed to beef jerky . . . or BBQ . . . or (in Canada only) ketchup chips.

Trader Joe's Mini Beef Tacos - 1/23/06

Rating: 3 out of 5 (for a frozen food)

Price: cheap! but we didn't save the receipt

so really we can blame this blog on bed bug doug. who is bed bug doug you may ask? it doesn't matter. he has scabies. no wait, bed bugs. no! allergies . . . what does he have? oh sorry . . . we digress. back to the tj taco review.

so your beloved reviewers took a field trip to mission ridge which took a painful turn for the worst. nacho girlfriend 1 caught an edge and broke her shoulder. how could nacho girlfriend 2 cheer her up? frozen mini tacos accompanied by a mag of pinot grigio circa 2005, of course!!!

the mini beef tacos (also comes in chicken!) can be prepared 3 ways: deep fry, oven, or microwave. we do not deep fry our tacos. so, we tried them both microwaved and oven baked. the box also suggested a variety of condiments to accessorize your tacos (don't be fooled by the picture on the box. tomatoes and cheese not included). we discovered that tapatio, fat free tillamook sour cream, fat free sharp cheddar slices, trader joe guacamole, and jalapenos - or a combination thereof - were the preferred choices of toppings.

microwave: soggy and greasy, but easily separated for adding toppings. over all the taste was fine, but the texture left something to be desired. if you are adding any of the suggested condiments we recommend this method of preparation (just don't look inside!).

oven: crispy shell! yay! difficult to separate to add condiments! boo! however, this method of preparation creates an excellent vessel for dipping in guac - like a stuffed nacho! hell yes!

recommendation: perfect for when you've been injured in a snowboarding accident or when you've been dumped by someone with bed bugs/scabies/severe allergic reactions/// - and just want to stay at home and have a mini snack (and a mag of cheap white wine). tasty!