never fear! we will be back soon!

with much regret, your beloved nacho girlfriends had to take a temporary break from nachos and mini foods.

nacho girlfriend 1 was fearing the dreaded fat monster after almost 2 months without fitness - due to the now infamous snowboarding disaster (note review of trader joe's mini-tacos) at mission ridge.

nacho girlfriend 2 recently realized that bed bug doug truly does have a problem with compulsive lying, and is more of a passive aggressive asshole than ever thought before - and suddenly nacho girlfriend 2 discovered that food really isn't necessary at all. imagine: you can live off of wine, muscle relaxers, and diet coke. who knew?

the good news is, boot camp is right around the corner which will surely force us to start eating cheesy beefy delicious snacks again. stay tuned . . .

the perfect nacho - superbowl sunday 2/4/07

rating: 4.5 out of 5

price: approx. $15 - but it's enough to serve 8+ (but we are greedy and didn't share)

we didn't start this day with the intention of watching the superbowl and eating nachos (we could care less about ponies and grizzlies, but of course we like the commercials). it all started with kathy j (future guest reviewer) demanding that we eat brunch at an establishment that does not serve mini foods OR nachos. imagine? in any case, after said brunch completed the nacho girlfriends had nothing better to do than go home, drink mimosas, and write blogs about previous nacho experiences. in the process we realized that it should be our new mission to create 'the perfect nacho.' we also realized it was superbowl sunday which makes 'the perfect nacho' the perfect football snack. rah!

ingredients for the perfect nacho: round and sturdy tortilla chips, monterrey jack/cheddar blend (and lots), tons of finely chopped onions, cilantro, emeril's mini-roma tomatoes, refried black beans (heating them up first allows for easier distribution). if you are wondering, we didn't use meat because raw meat grosses us both out. we love meat, especially jerky style, but we just don't want to make it ourselves.

on the side: homemade guac (avocado, cilantro, tomato, lime, garlic, onion, salt and pepper), emerald valley hot salsa, tillamook fat free sour cream (have to save calories somewhere), as many jalapenos as you can find (even if there is pigeon poop on it).

process: we opted to use a cookie sheet covered in foil (for easy clean up!). we first made a thin layer of chips on the bottom. next we sprinkled our finely chopped onions all over the top. you can never have too many onions. onions are key!! then we slung refried black bean globs on top. our hot tip of the day is to heat them up first, they sling easier then. finally we top it all with lots and lots and lots of pre-shredded cheesy deliciousness. repeat for one more layer. our next hot tip is to NOT preheat the oven. we put the nachos in a cold oven, then set the temp to 350, and baked for 10 minutes. PERFECT! the cheese was melted but not burnt and the beans were heated. last, we garnished with fresh cilantro and chopped mini-romas. all the condiments were served on the side (of course!!) to prevent excessive sogginess.

yay!: not a dry chip in the house, onions/jalapenos/cheese galore, round chips are a plus, we loved the refried black beans, fat free sour cream makes us feel less guilty for eating a cookie sheet of nachos, papaya enzymes are in the bathroom cabinet for quick digestion.

boo!: we had a few soggies. these really should have been 5 out of 5, but being that we are the nacho girlfriends and we were attempting the 'perfect nacho' we docked ourselves 0.5. however, we are nacho geniuses, we are working on the soggy issue. the next batch won't have any sogginess and will be a true 5 . . . mark our words. they were a bit pricey, but we had waaaayyy too many. $15 bought us enough nacho to feed the honduran army.

recommendation: our nachos rock. and we might share next time to prevent gastrointestinal distress. if you are lucky enough to know us, you'll want to come over and eat them. if you don't know us, too bad. best when served with a mag of cheap white wine.

Ozzie's Nacho Review - 1/6/07 (better late than never)

rating: 1 out of 5

price: we can't remember, but whatever it was, they weren't worth the price.

we apologize for the delay in this review, but as promised we are here to save seattle one bad plate of nachos at a time. ozzie's has the worst nachos we have found so far. granted, it was during a seahawk playoff game, so the kitchen was probably slammed - but still, there is no excuse of bad nachos! anything with that much fat and calorie content is pretty hard to mess up, but ozzie's certainly did.

nacho girlfriends don't even know where to start . . . we are dumbfounded by these nachos. there are no "yays!" here, so here are boos!:

1) not enough condiments. we had to ask for extra salsa and they gave us a tiny cup that cost $.75! wtf?! god forbid we should ask for more guac too! we're too broke for extra guac.

2) the guac and sour cream (not enough of course) were placed in a pile on top. (nacho girlfriend 1 failed to ask for them on the side, but really we think they should always be on the side without asking.) we don't like piles on top because it's difficult to ration out over the whole plate and the poor chips under the piles get soggy and disgusting.

3) way too many dry chips. these were layered worse than kings hardware's nachos.

4) we thought we ordered chicken (costs extra) but we ended up with about a tablespoon of tiny cubes scattered randomly. more importantly, the menu specified that the nachos came with beans, but apparently they don't if you order a meat. boo! don't say beans are included if they aren't!

5) we asked for extra jalapenos and there were hardly any. JALAPENOS ARE KEY!

6) we ate almost the whole plate, yet didn't fall into a nacho coma. in fact we were forced to order bacon cheese fries to prepare our stomachs for an evening of vodka.

7) regardless of the shitty cheese layering and not enough condiments, there was not enough of anything. where are all the onions? we didn't order a plate of tortilla chips, we ordered nachos damn it!

recommendations: don't bother. all the necessary toppings cost extra and these will be million dollar nachos by the time they come up to our standards. shame on you, ozzie's! however, we do love the upstairs karoke host on friday and saturday nights. we recommend him, and don't forget to tip!

Trader Joes Spizzico Pizza - 1/28/07

price: not sure, they were a gift due to being injured on the slopes.

rating: 3 out of 5

ok ladies, you can back me up on this one. you know when you have that early afternoon hair appointment where you're still full from breakfast but by the time you leave the salon you're a ravenous crazy who needs food (i like to use the term 'hangry' to describe such situations). only you're conflicted on what to eat because you've made dinner plans which are only a few hours away? well, i think i've found a solution.

trader joe mini pizzas are the perfect pre-dinner snack. the serving size is 6 of the mini pies, but 3 is perfect to calm you hangriness before dinner. the baking options were microwave or oven baked. i chose to oven bake mine directly on my lower rack because i like a crispy crust, and here are my findings: when made directly from the box, with no alterations, i found them to be okay. the crust was light and crispy but a little too yeasty for my taste buds. also, i felt the crust to topping ratio was inadequate. too much crust for the amount of sauce and cheese. however, i decided to alter the others with some leftover things in my fridge. i added pineapple tidbits, a slice of grilled red onion (from fajitas the night before), red pepper flakes and italian seasoning. just adding these few things made a vast improvement on the little circular delights. i wasn't overwhelmed by the taste of the crust and got a more complex pizza flavor. oh, and don't forget to dip them in blue cheese dressing...yum!

yay!: perfect pre-dinner snack if you cut the serving size in half or a decent meal if you eat the full serving of 6. these would be great for a mini pizza dinner party but have various toppings available for personalized pizza.

boo!: too bland directly from the box. the crust is too yeasty...bleck.

recommendation: if you are a pizza lover give these a try. these would be great if you had kids who want different toppings on their mini pizzas. these can totally be turned into a great appetizer for a party.

Kings Hardware Nachos - 1/29/07 (yes the same day. we are pigs.)

rating: 3 out of 5

price: $7.50

so after we devoured the delicious sliders from kings hardware we decided to continue our review and test drove their nachos too. as noted in the slider review, this will be the only double review because the gastronomical distress the following day was too intense...oy vey! that being said these nachos we're okay. yes, just okay. probably the best thing about them is the bar that was serving them. nacho girlfriends have realized that atmosphere of the establishment is very influential on our reviews. for those of you who haven't tried ballard's newest bar, it has a rustic theme with many taxidermy projects on display. best of all a dead cougar. we (or at least nacho girlfriend 2) like any place that splays a dead cougar across their wall. kings hardware also has skee ball and pool, plus a juke box with a pretty damn awesome selection of music.

so the bar gets a great review, but what about the nachos? in case you were wondering, they weren't special. the best feature they offered was vast quantities of jalapenos (although not the pepper mix promised on the menu) and onions. they also come with all the important condiments - guac, sour cream, salsa - at no extra charge! we hate having to pay extra for our guac! we also appreciated the multi-colored chips, and none were soggy . . . but the trade off was not enough cheese (and it wasn't melty enough in places). the layering could have been drastically improved as well. not only were there way too many dry chips, but the refried beans were all on the bottom! under the chips!! on top of a tortilla!!! wtf?!?! we were full by the time we discovered it even had any beans.

yay!: condiments are free and bountiful, plentiful jalapenos and onion, beautiful multi-colored chips, no soggies, and excellent-ful atmosphere!

boo!: layering. layering. layering. if you're going to make nachos, layer people, layer! no meaty options for the carnivores.

recommendation: we recommend these nachos only if you are a vegetarian and your friends have drug you to kings hardware. otherwise, stick with their sliders and sweet potato fries instead.